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Self-esteem meets group work
by Health Patio
Introduction
Nancy Silberman Zwiebach has a private psychotherapy practice where she meets with adolescents and adults doing individual, couples’, family, and group therapy. Her practice also includes Parenting and Life Coaching.
Originally a nurse working with emotionally disturbed children, she decided to pursue a career in Psychology, leading to both a Master’s and Professional Diploma from St. John’s University and to becoming Certified as a School Psychologist.
Self-esteem
I met up with Nancy on the telephone over the weekend, and I was so happy to invite her to Health Patio for a bit to share her expertise. (Thank you, Nancy!)
It was a time of career transition for Nancy 13 years ago when she headed from metro New York to sunny California for a 12 day seminar with Jack Canfield (author of the “Chicken Soup” series), becoming Certified as a Self Esteem Facilitator and doing Motivational Speaking. At the time, she was struck with the generosity of ideas and self-esteem that Jack Canfield himself brought to the seminar. I was struck with the connection between the qualities of generosity and self-esteem.
What exactly is self-esteem? Nancy said often it is described in terms of what self-esteem is not. But what is it? Self-esteem is the sensation of being comfortable with one’s self and one’s place in the world. It is saying, “I am lovable and capable.”
Self-esteem isn’t when your little boy picks out his own outfit and you tell him the galoshes look great with the pajama top and plaid suit jacket. (That’s called lying, by the way!) But if he does take the time to TRY getting dressed all by himself, it’s OK to appreciate the effort.
Can you have too much self-esteem? No, because self-esteem comes from a sense of balance. If the feelings are out of balance, the person perhaps loses the lovable aspect, for example, when pride takes the forefront.
What’s the least we need to know? That thoughts precede actions. What is going on for you; what is your inner conversation? Do you have positive thoughts? or negative thoughts? I’m not referring to circumstances or situations at this level. Next we can work on how to change negative thoughts, after they have been identified, into positive thoughts.
Group work
For a person with a lifelong aversion to speaking in front of groups- and this goes back to grade school for Nancy- she really has taken to heart the need to raise awareness of the topic of self-esteem. That is a reason why Nancy continued to perfect her training and was graduated from the Center for Group Studies, where she also served on the faculty. Based on Dr. Louis Ormont’s theory and interventions in group psychotherapy, the point is to “use theory and techniques to empower any group to become a responsible, energetic, loving, and effective agent of change- in our homes, in our communities, in our societies.”
When speaking to groups of educators, Nancy shows the best ways to talk to kids at school. Among those seminar topics are: “Respect: It Goes Both Ways”, “Esteem Heat, the Power Source that Lasts a Lifetime”, and “Self Esteem in the Special Needs Classroom”.
When speaking to groups of school administrators, Nancy shows the best ways to talk to teachers and staff and illustrates how a staff that feels respected and appreciated creates a happier, better functioning school.
The best therapy/support groups provide a safe forum to in which to express feelings and thoughts that people had been keeping to themselves, without fear of repercussions. This harks back to the definition of self-esteem: being comfortable with oneself and feeling you have a place in the world.
Nancy has been known to put her speaking notes down during a seminar and change modes from Motivational Speaker to Group Facilitator, as she sees the need arise. With her help, unsolved, unspoken grudges from long before she arrived on the scene were resolved. It isn’t over-simplification; it is the amazing collective power of the group. This is psychological artistry at its finest.
Conclusion
Nancy provided Health Patio a famous axiom to teach us how to combine self-esteem with group work.
A saying from Rabbi Hillel: “If I am not for myself, who is for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?”
